Fighting Super Predators with Super Predators
Early last week, Zohran Mamdani made history by outperforming one of New York’s political superelites to become the Democratic Party’s nominee for mayor of New York City. Guys, this sucks so hard.
That New Yorkers turned out in favor of this young, self-described democratic socialist shows that they don’t have what it takes to fight back against President Trump.
Donald Trump, need I remind you, is a wealthy sex pest dogged by his long history of abuse against women. You already knew that, but understand this: It’s not in spite of, but because of this history that Trump made it to the White House twice. That’s why, if Democrats want to have a chance in hell of retaking the Presidency in 2028, we need to start electing our own super predators.
Political oldheads will remember October 2016, when an excerpt from an Access Hollywood interview between real journalist and honest-to-god cousin of George and Jeb(!) Bush, Billy Bush and then-presidential candidate Donald Trump resurfaced to dominate morning show airwaves for the better part of the next month.
This video, the one where Trump demonstrates a gradeschool-level understanding of how to sexually approach a woman, was proudly lauded as the Democrats’ October Surprise, a last-minute electoral game changer that would tank Trump for good. Not that that was necessary, of course, Hillary Clinton was the most electable candidate in world history and no one could take her down.
Then, to the shock of intelligentsia around the world, Clinton was taken down. That October Surprise to end October Surprises shed its sheen and revealed itself as a sodium-free nothingburger. In 1998, indignant republicans threatened to jettison the President of the United States from the Oval Office on charges that he’d done biblically-forbidden sex acts with a White House employee. Surely, we’d figured, they’d never countenance something as sexually forward as this. But that’s where we’d miscalculated. The Republicans of and adjacent to the nascent MAGA movement had undergone a key development: they didn’t care anymore.
This, more than anything, is the message we ought to take from Trump’s success in commanding the American electorate twice. Shut up about messaging, shut up about building up candidates who can believably speak to young people, shut up about arguing for hope against the rising tide of nihilism. What we need is a sex pest of our own.
New Yorkers flubbed hard with Cuomo. As far as bona fide boner fiends go, this is a Class A creep. The Department of Justice put forth that Anthony Cuomo had sexually harassed no fewer than thirteen women over eight years. And this is only counting state employees. This could have been our guy!!!
Look, I’ll admit one thing: the optics here aren’t great. Trump’s been on the field playing sexual offense for decades. His numbers outpace Cuomo’s by orders of magnitude. Thirteen documented office sex offenses should’ve been a no-brainer against Mamdani’s pitiful zero, but I acknowledge that there’s room for improvement. That said, the idea that Cuomo, who will be available to run for President in 2028 now that he failed to win the Democratic nomination for mayor (barring his decision to contest the election through the Make New York Jerusalem Again third party), will be able to catch up to Trump’s sex offense tally by then seems unlikely to say the least.
Alright, it’s clear. Cuomo’s dead in the water. He’s not the future. But neither are candidates like Zohran. What we need is a bigger sex pest. You’ve followed me this far, let’s bring it home together: It’s time to draft Harvey Weinstein.